An Actor’s Guide
Hold for all laughs; real, expected, or imagined. If you don’t get one, face front and repeat the line louder. Failing this, laugh at it yourself
A good performance, like concrete, should be moulded quickly, then set forever.
Your first responsibility as an actor is to find your light.
Don’t listen to your fellow actors on stage. It will only throw you.
Don’t look at them either. You may not like what you see.
Always be specific: point to what you’re talking about.
If a line isn’t working for you, change it.
Stage Managers are NOT actors—ignore them. But help keep them alert by never arriving on time or signing in.
Never be afraid to ad-lib to get attention, especially if you feel the leads aren’t very interesting.
Mistakes are never your fault.
Always find something to complain about, no matter how small or insignificant. Your fellow actors will respect your professional attention to detail.
Never carry make-up—someone will always have what you need.
If you can’t be heard, it’s not your fault. Any decent theatre should have body mikes.
Never—NEVER—help understudies. They secretly hate you and want your job.
Do help your fellow actors by giving them notes whenever you feel necessary.
Giving them notes just before they go on keep things even fresher.
Speak your lines as if the audience had difficulty understanding the language.
Keep other performers on their toes by never let them know what you’re going to do next.
Play the reality: always be aware of the audience, whether you think they like the show, then gauge your performance accordingly. Why knock yourself out for ungrateful idiots?
Even if a piece of shtick doesn’t work, keep using it. The important thing is for you to have fun.
To avoid tension, have sex in your dressing room before a show.
Here, understudies are extremely useful—always being around, and eager.
Never change anything that’s working, no matter how wrong or phony it may seem.
When in doubt about an ad-lib, go “Whoo!”
Go up on a line? Clap twice, look at the audience, and giggle.
The only difference between an amateur and a pro is a pro does the same thing for money.
Need a character? Get a costume.
Always cultivate an attitude of hostility. Tension gets results—on stage and off.
